


sincerity is scary

by tangentiallly



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: Arguing, Don’t copy to another site, Gen, brief description of nausea from tiredness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 07:55:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20188888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tangentiallly/pseuds/tangentiallly
Summary: “Right, because obviouslyyouhad never gone on a secret mission with Dewey and then lied tohisbrother about it.”[or: Kit and Bertrand had a fight.]





	sincerity is scary

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: I don't own ASOUE  
please don't copy this story to another site  
title from The 1975's song

Kit sat on top of the toilet, leaning forward slightly, her right leg bouncing up and down quicker and quicker, speeding up to a pace she felt like she didn’t know how to stop. She pushed her left foot forward a little, balancing herself with just the tip of the toes pressing to the ground. She closed her eyes, feeling the tiredness accumulated from all the mission work setting in. She felt a little cold too, but she wasn’t sure if the weather was actually that cold or was it just her own exhaustion tricking her into feeling colder than it actually was.

A wave of nausea attacked, and she quickly accommodated as she make a fake vomit move, experienced enough with this situation to know she wouldn’t actually throw up, but this action would help assuage the nausea, at least temporarily. She shuddered a bit as she exhaled slowly.

She paused her right leg for a moment, but almost 2 seconds later it seemed to decide on its own that it should continue bouncing, and Kit gave up trying to make it stop. She stayed like for maybe a minute, and finally, slowly, shakily stood up.

Thirty seconds later, she was out at the washbasin, splashing cold water onto her face hoping this would somehow make her feel less exhausted. She frowned as she surveyed the empty space around the basin, annoyed at the hotel not providing toothbrushes. She wondered if she’d gotten too used to the convenience at Hotel Denouement. She wished she could brush her teeth and get rid of that lingering taste of dinner that was perhaps part of the reason for her constant nausea. Though she suspected the nausea likely wouldn’t completely go away with just a simple teeth brushing, it would still make her feel better and more refreshing. A cleaner breath.

She walked back into the room, and realized that she was alone. There was a note on the table with a messily scrawled “_ went to the general store. B _.” She would scoff if she wasn’t feeling too tired to do so.

They had a fight just before the mission started, and neither of them had wanted to be the one to request to be taken off the mission because that wasn’t something a responsible, mature volunteer would do. It’d been a mostly silent mission except for a few unavoidable conversations, and she was faintly amused and annoyed at the same time at how this wasn’t affecting the mission at all and how they still cooperated well enough. She wondered briefly what it said about them. “Competent spies” was a nice enough term, and it seemed better to just stop at that instead of digging deeper.

She’d just found out, when she accidentally came across some confidential information last night at the headquarters library, that he and L had worked on something together almost a year ago. Except she clearly remembered it had been a time L just disappeared out of thin air and she and Jacques had no clue where he’d gone at all for a couple of weeks and they’d been worried, and all that time Bertrand had pretended that he had no idea either.

He’d argued last night, after she’d found out, that he was sorry lying at that time but it had been part of the mission. Perhaps the pre-mission anxiousness for their current mission didn’t help with either of their nerves at that time, it’d spiraled from there. She thought that L was her brother and it was the kind of things that could count as more important than _ mission confidentiality _, especially considering she was a loyal and discreet volunteer herself.

After she’d voiced this rather solid piece of argument, he’d looked frustrated for a moment before his expression changed slightly and suddenly she’d known what he was going to say next before he’d even said it out loud.

“Right, because obviously _ you _ had never gone on a secret mission with Dewey and then lied to _ his _ brother about it.”

In retrospect, that really had been the tipping point.

(Of _ course _ it had been the tipping point.)

It’d gotten worse from there.

Somehow, they had both still showed up on time this morning for their current mission, unwilling to be the one to ruin this mission with personal reasons. It was grimly remarkable in a way, Kit thought.

The door swung open and Bertrand walked in, giving her a quick glance before throwing something onto the table and then proceeded to steadily ignoring her. She looked over at the table and realized he’d gotten two toothbrushes, amongst other things.

She stared, very tempted to pick up one of the toothbrushes. The leftover taste in her mouth and the things stuck in between her teeth never felt more existing like now. But to use the toothbrushes he so thoughtfully bought - a clever move making some kind of gesture without saying anything - felt like conceding.

Still, after some internal debates she gave in and went over to the table, taking one of the toothbrushes before moving towards the bathroom. He didn’t say anything.

As she brushed her teeth forcefully, she thought about how he’d so effortlessly lied and she hadn’t even suspected anything. She wondered if she was really more angry at herself for not realizing it, or angry at L who she suspected possibly talked B into not revealing his location during their collaboration on the mission.

(If anything, that was the part that frustrated her the most, even though it was just a suspicion. But her guts were telling her she was right, plus this did seem like the type of thing L would do. She hadn’t yet asked because she wasn’t really sure if she really wanted this to be confirmed. L and his damned fragmentary plots and secrecy and going off on his own without letting she or J know anything. She wondered if she was actually angrier at L instead.)

The inside of her mouth felt cleaner and more refreshing once she was done. 

She thought he would continue on ignoring her as she walked back, but unexpectedly, he raised his head at her footsteps and their eyes met. She wondered if they were about to continue the argument from last night, or discuss tactical strategies for tomorrow’s information gathering like nothing was wrong.

“You and I weren’t actually such close friends a year ago,” he said, sounding tense.

She plopped herself down onto the bed, and asked skeptically, “So you’re saying you can absolutely promise this won’t happen again?”

He looked conflicted. “No.”

She scoffed.

“I don’t like making promises, especially to people I don’t want to break promises to,” he muttered. “I’ll try, but I think what comes up in the future is sometimes very unpredictable. So I’m not going to promise that. But I _ am _ very sorry about lying to you about L and the mission.”

She didn’t like it, but oddly, she realized _ this _ was him being honest. _ This _ was him admitting he was unsure if he could do something, to keep a promise. This wasn’t him trying to be perfect and polite in front of chaperones, this wasn’t him being charming or sweet with Dewey or Beatrice. This wasn’t him artfully avoiding arguments or dodging hard questions with people he wanted to please or charm. This was the unpleasant truth he didn’t like to reveal about himself. Blunt instead of sugar-coated.

She didn’t like it, but she could … understand it, in a way.

And wasn’t honesty what she’d preferred in the first place?

“Fine,” she said slowly.

“Uh, so, you want to go over the plans for tomorrow?” He asked hesitantly.

“Alright.” She said, and then after a pause. “Wait.”

“Yeah?”

“What you said yesterday. About - E.”

His froze for a moment. “That was over the line. I apologize.”

She held his gaze. “But did you really think that’s the same?” She swallowed. “Look, I know you didn’t promise anything about always being honest and I can accept that, but given the circumstances right now I would say you kind of owe me one on this, don’t you think?”

“Kit,” he sighed. “Look, I - I don’t know. I was frustrated at that moment and it just - it was tempting ammunition in an argument - but, I don’t know, truthfully.” 

He paused, and she waited patiently. “I don’t think it’s completely the same, with each mission with its own level of confidence and different people with different levels loyalties involved, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t any similarities. Some might think it’s a principle of things, but people are a lot more complicated than just principles.” His frown deepened. “Sorry if that’s not much of an answer.”

“Fair enough, I suppose.” She sighed, slowly pulling a pencil out of her hair and started playing it in her hand. She cleared her throat. “Well, let’s go over tomorrow’s plans.”

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “Let’s.”

**Author's Note:**

> [come say hi on tumblr](https://beatricebidelaire.tumblr.com)


End file.
